Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
