FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
