TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
