Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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