fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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