Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
In other news, I just burned my penis
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
