But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
