I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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