She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
