your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
