So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
