mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
