I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
