I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
