I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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