I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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