the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
