just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
