so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
