She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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