I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
