College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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