god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
