I can text with my tongue
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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