Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
