you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
