Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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