sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
