A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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