I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
