Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
