All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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