i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
