dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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