I'm really into asian looking animals
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
