His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He passed out mid-signature
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
