I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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