2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
