Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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