remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Randomize
