u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
