Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
