When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
