If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
