apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
