Me too!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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