the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
