I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
