I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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