We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
