I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
