So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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